I'm surprised computers
weren't invented during the time of the Retarded Church Fathers (RCF), Windows 10 seems right
up their alley...
I can imagine Polycarp proclaiming that the Microsoft Window 10 operating system provides the best user experience for both privacy and customization.
OH WAIT!!! I have just been notified that scholars have discovered a new letter from Polycarp, and it has been freshly translated for anno 2017.
ΤΟΥ ΑΓΙΟΥ ΠΟΛΥΚΡΑΠΟΥ
ΕΠΙΣΚΟΠΟΥ ΣΜΥΡΝΗΣ ΚΑΙ ΙΕΡΟΜΑΡΤΥΡΟΣ
ΠΡΟΣ ΦΙΛΙΠΠΗΣΙΟΥΣ MICROSOFT WINDOWS 10
1. Συνεχάρην ὑμῖν μεγάλως ἐν τῷ κυρίῳ ἡμῶν Ἰησοῦ Χρισῷ, δεξαμένοις τὰ μιμήματα τῆς ἀληθοῦς ἀγάπης καὶ προπέμψασιν, ὡς ἐπέβαλεν ὑμῖν, τοὺς ἐνειλημένους τοῖς ἁγιοπρεπέσιν δεσμοῖς, ἅτινά ἐστιν διαδήματα τῶν ἀληθῶς ὑπὸ θεοῦ καὶ τοῦ κυρίου ἡμῶν ἐκλελεγμένων· 2. καὶ ὅτι ἡ βεβαία τῆς πίστεως ὑμῶν ῥίζα, ἐξ ἀρχαίων καταγγελλομένη χρόνων, μέχρι νῦν διαμένει καὶ καρποφορεῖ εἰς τὸν κύριον ἡμῶν Ἰησοῦν Χριστόν, ὃς ὑπέμεινεν ὑπὲρ τῶν ἁμαρτιῶν ἡμῶν ἕως θανάτου κατανῆσαι, ὃν ἤγειρεν ὁ θεός, λύσας τὰς ὠδῖνας τοῦ ᾅδου· 3. εἰς ὃν οὐκ ἰδόντες πιστεύετε χαρᾷ ἀνεκλαλήτῳ δεδοξασμένῃ, εἰς ἣν πολλοὶ ἐπιθυμοῦσιν εἰσελθεῖν, εἰδότες, ὅτι χάριτί ἐστε σεσωσμένοι, οὐκ ἐξ ἔργων WINDOWS 10, ἀλλὰ θελήματι θεοῦ διὰ Ἰησοῦ Χριστοῦ.
THAT GUY, POLYCRAP
AN AMAZING NEW LETTER
OUTLINING MICROSOFT WINDOWS 10'S BENEFITS
1. I want to congratulate everyone who has upgraded to Windows 10. Jesus Christ has just told me personally that it's the best operating system ever regardless of your era. Windows 10 represents 'true love' and passion, I can really tell the developers did extensive research to benefit you, the customer. God has elected Microsoft to be the vehicle for this divine new OS, and YOU may have complained in the past. 2. How dare you with all of your sins, say, that Windows 10 has "telemetry", "customer experience improvement program", "forced updates", "torrenting data to other PCs using your bandwidth" and "cortana" is spying or undesirable. 3. These features are designed to improve how we live and God knows what's best for us. We are not merely saved by works, but through the use of Windows 10 which elevates OUR grace. I demand all believers purchase a copy of Microsoft's Windows 10 IMMEDIATELY or burn in hades.